


love me softly

by cgmaknae



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan has an eating disorder, F/F, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Smut Eventually, You probably shouldn't read this, gay asfff, i'll try not to go into too much detail but, if you are struggling with an ed, kisses and stay safe beautiful, lots of fluff, mentions of eds, mentions of self harm, pretty much just pulled this out of my ass, senior connor, senior evan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 05:18:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16382126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cgmaknae/pseuds/cgmaknae
Summary: so cute baby Evan doesn't have any friends and gets bullied 24/7 and one day our hottie Connor stumbles across one of Evan's daily beatings and well... let's just say he isn't happy.





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

 

Dear Evan Hansen,

 

~~Today is going to be an amazing day because~~

~~Today is going to be a good day because you're going to make a friend~~

~~Today is going to be a good day because you're going to finish all your homework~~

Today isn't going to be amazing, today won't even be good. I can't lie. I wish I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I disappeared tomorrow? 

 

 Sincerely, 

your most best, and dearest friend, me 

  

"Evan we need to get going!" My mom called from downstairs. 

"Okay!" I yelled back before shoving my letter into my pocket and grabbing my book bag. I trudged down the stairs and climbed into my mom's car where she was already waiting. 

"Have you been writing those letters to yourself? 'Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why.'" My mother asked. 

"I finished one," I responded. 

"Good! Those letters are important, honey. They're going to help you build your confidence." My mom smiled. 

"I guess." I shifted in the passenger seat awkwardly. The rest of the car ride to school was spent in silence as I stared out the window. "Thanks for the ride mom."  

"Have a great day honey." My mom smiled at me as I shut the car door. I took a deep breath and rushed to my locker as quickly as I could. Grabbing my books from my locker I stumbled into my AP US History class and sat down in the very back. I laid my head down on the desk and hoped my teacher would come in soon. 

* * *

"CONNOR MURPHY! Your principal just called! It's only the first week of school and you haven't been once?!" My mother yelled as I walked down the stairs. 

"I had a good reason I swear." I defended myself. 

"Look at him, he was probably out getting high." Larry scoffed. 

"Look I'll leave now with Zoe okay?" I responded ignoring Larry. 

"Okay but you better not skip school again this year." My mother responded with a stern voice. I nodded and ran outside to catch Zoe before she left. 

"Zoe!" I tapped on the window of her car three times before she finally rolled down the window. 

"What?" She asked glaring at me. 

"Can you give me a ride to school?" I asked. "I know you have Jazz band practice but I really need a ride." 

"Okay, but I'm parking as close to the band hall as possible." She responded unlocking the car door. 

"Okay." I nodded as I got into her car. The car ride was silent save for the Jazz music Zoe always listened to. When we got to the school we went our separate ways without a word. I plodded to AP US History expecting the class to be abandoned so I was surprised to see Evan, I think his name was, in the corner of the room with his head on a desk. That's the seat I would normally pick but it looks like this kid is asleep so I'll just take the seat next to him I guess. As quietly as I could I placed my bag on the ground and slid into the desk next to the sleeping boy. 

"Connor Murphy? What are you doing here so early?" My US History teacher finally walked into the room. 

"My sister has Jazz band practice so I had to come early," I said loud enough for my teacher to hear me but not loud enough to wake the boy next to me. 

"Ah okay." He responded 

"Can I ask you a question Coach?" I asked 

"Sure." He raised his eyebrow. 

"This guy." I pointed to Evan "His name is Evan right?" 

"Yes, that's Evan Hansen." He answered. 

"Does he always come here this early and sleep?" I questioned 

"Most days, yes." He responded still watching me curiously. Why would this kid come to school this early just to sleep? The bell rang at the usual time and Evan jerked up like a jack in the box making me bite my lip to tame my laughter. 

* * *

 

 I sank in my seat as students filled the classroom taking their seats as far away from me and Connor Murphy? When did Connor get in this class? Why is he sitting next to me? Whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. I pulled out one of my notebooks and started sketching trees when I finished I wasted the rest of class staring out the window ignoring everything around me. Today I feel considerable worse than usual as I float through the halls unnoticed. Despite my intense feeling of not existing the fear of my bullies finding me still weighed down on me as I quickly took shelter in my next class. Oddly enough I crossed paths with Connor Murphy once again. Who knew Connor Murphy the boy with the reputation of pothead psychopath would be in not one but two AP classes. Of course, I never believed that he was a psychopath, after all, I don't know the guy. I sat down next to him since he was in the seat I normally occupied. 

"Hey, Evan I think you dropped this in US History," Connor said as he placed a folded up piece of paper on my desk. I stared at for a minute it before I realized what it was.

"U-Um t-t-thank you...you-you didn't read it d-did you??" I asked as I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. 

"Nah," Connor responded. I sighed thank god if he read that I think I'd die of embarrassment. 

* * *

School ends too quickly and I rush to get out, to get to a safe place but as usual, I am found before I even make it to the parking lot. 

"Trying to run away again fag?" Ryker asked grabbing me by the collar of my shirt. "Let's have our fun in the bathroom today." I attempted to struggle and break free but that only resulted in a punch to the face. 

"Since you skipped our lunch session you've really got it comin'," Brodie said cracking his knuckles as they dragged me into the bathroom. Ryker threw me up against the wall then kicked me in the stomach. 

"S-sto-" What's the point of saying anything they aren't going to stop. 

"Shut up queer." Brodie spat in my face then kicked me in the stomach. 

"Hm, what's this?" I looked up to see Ryker picking up a folded piece of paper with trees scribbled all over it. 

"W-w-wait please g-g-give that back!" I yelled trying to stand up. 

"Who told you, you could get up?" Ryker pushed me back down and Brodie sat on my back to make sure I didn't move. "This is pathetic. This fag is writing himself letters." 

"Read it," Brodie said. 

"N-NO!" I yelled struggling underneath Brodie. 

"Shut the fuck up." Brodie got up and kicked me in the face my head hit the wall behind me from the force of the kick. 

"Dear Evan Hansen, Today isn't going to be amazing, today won't even be good. I can't lie. I wish I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I disappeared tomorrow? Sincerely, your most best, and dearest friend, me" Ryker read my letter mockingly before the two burst into laughter. I felt the tears fall down my face as I coughed up a glob of blood. Ryker grabbed my shirt and drew back to punch me in the face I closed my eyes and waited for the pain but it never came. 

"What the hell do you think you two are doing?!" I opened my eyes to see Connor Murphy he held Ryker's fist tightly preventing it from damaging my face further.

"Get lost pothead," Ryker said as he tried to remove his fist from Connor's grasp. Connor punched Ryker in the face making him let go of my shirt. I couldn't move, I couldn't even look up to watch Connor take on my bullies for me. My entire body hurts, my vision is blurry, my breathing is shallow and my mind is blank.  

"Evan? Hey, Evan, can you hear me?" I can't tell who's speaking everything sounds like I'm underwater. "Evan close your eyes and take a deep breath." My lungs are on fire but I close my eyes and try to stop hyperventilating. "Copy my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Slowly. There you go you're doing great Evan keep it up." My vision slowly clears up as my crying ceases and my breathing starts to level. "Can you see me alright?" 

"Y-" I started but opted for just nodding my response as I looked up to see Connor Murphy. 

"Okay, I'm going to help you up now," Connor said before slipping his arm around my waist and pulling me up. I grabbed my stomach and dropped back to the ground. "Alright looks like I'm carrying you." Connor bent down and placed an arm under my knees and an arm across my back before standing up again this time with me in his arms bridal style. 

"Y-Y-You really don't uh h-have to do do this." I stumbled over my words. 

"I know that's what makes me so nice," Connor smirked. "So I guess I'll take you home then." 

"Um y-you" I started 

"Yes Evan I know I don't have to but I'm going to because you're hurt and there's no way you can get home by yourself in your current condition." Connor interrupted me. 

"O-O-O-Okay," I responded. This weird I don't even know Connor and all of this is happening and I don't know what to do or say. Connor walked me outside and continued to carry me all the way to the parking lot in front of the band hall. "C-C-Connor you uh d-don't have um band do y-you?" I asked 

"No but I have to go get the keys from Zoe and she has band. So just wait in the passenger seat and I'll be right back." Connor said as he somehow opened the passenger side door and placed me in the seat. "I'll be right back." 

"O-Okay." I nodded and Connor shut the door before running to the band hall. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> argh, I really just wanna write really really good gay things all the time but my band is going to state this Saturday and we have late practices all week.

* * *

I ran into the band hall and was met with about 30 students and the band director staring at me. 

"Connor Murphy? Care to explain why you're interrupting my class?" The band director asked. 

"Sorry I just need to get the car keys from my sister," I responded looking at Zoe. 

"Make it quick Zoe." The band director said as Zoe stood up. 

"I'm not giving you my keys Connor you can wait," Zoe said as she walked up to me. 

"Zoe I really need them Evan got hurt and I told him I'd help him get home," I explained. 

"Evan?" Zoe questioned. 

"Yeah, Evan Hansen he's in my grade," I replied. 

"I know who he is but why is he with you?" Zoe narrowed her eyes at me "What did you do to him?" 

"Zoe wrap it up." The band director said sternly. 

"I didn't do anything to him! Why do you automatically assume I did something!? You know what it doesn't matter just give me the damn keys and I'll explain everything later." I huffed and held out my hand for the keys. 

"Mess my car up or hurt Evan and I'll kill you." She said reluctantly handing me the keys. 

"See you later." I turned on my heels and sprinted back to the car. I threw open the driver's side door and quickly climbed in. "Evan where do you live?" 

"I-I-I um I c-can't go uh home," Evan responded I looked at him, his eyes were wide and he was chewing on his lip. 

"Okay well, what about my house?" I questioned. If he can't go home I could just take him home and let him clean up there. 

"S-S-Sure." Evan stumbled over the simple word. 

"Alright." I started the car and drove us out of the parking lot. 

* * *

What am I doing right now? Why, why am I in Connor Murphy's car heading to his house? How much of my beating did Connor witness? My lip is busted and my nose is bleeding on top of that I have a headache and my stomach is most definitely bruised. 

"Evan, look in the console and see if there's a napkin or something for your nose bleed," Connor instructed. I opened the console and dug through until I found a few napkins. "Okay good now lean forward and pinch right under the bone in your nose with the napkins." 

"Thanks," I mumbled as I did what he told me to do. This is so embarrassing everything about this is so embarrassing and painful I just wanna die. 

"We're here," Connor said as he pulled into a driveway that clearly belonged to him. Connor opened his door and got out I quickly followed suit. "Whoa be careful." Connor caught me as I stumbled forward. He draped my arm over his shoulder to allow him to support me as we walked to his front door. Connor opened the door and we walked into his house. "Sit here I'll go get the first aid kit and close the front door." 

I nodded and sat down in a stool that rested in front of a marble bar. His house is so nice but why am I here??? Why is he of all people doing this for me? Nothing that's happened today has made sense. I sighed and placed my bloody napkins on the bar in front of me. Connor came back holding a white plastic box and sat down next to me. 

"You don't have any cuts that require going to the hospital right?" Connor asked pulling out a few bandages and a tube of Neosporin. 

"I-I don't," I answered. My arm hurts really bad but other than that I don't think anything is really serious. Connor started lightly wiping the blood off my chin with a wet paper towel. 

"Is your arm okay?" Connor asked pointing at my cast. I nodded staring at the barren cast that not even Jared or Alana wanted to sign. Connor grabbed a q-tip and covered it in Neosporin then lightly coated the cuts on my face. He opened up three small band-aids and placed them on my cuts before smoothing them over. "Evan, can I see your stomach?" 

"W-W-What??" I felt my face heat up and my palms began sweating. 

"They kicked you in the stomach a lot, right? I just wanna see if it's gonna bruise." Connor replied. 

"Oh y-y-yeah o-okay." I stood up and hesitantly lifted my shirt up. 

"That's definitely going to leave a damn bruise." Connor's voice sounded strained and his eyebrows were knit together. 

"uh, C-Connor?" I followed him into the kitchen. 

"Yes?" Connor responded as he pulled out a thing of salt and a ziplock bag. 

"W-W-Why are uh why are y-you d-doing this um for m-me?" I questioned. Connor didn't respond but instead started filling the ziplock bag with ice. Why did I ask that? I'm such an idiot! He's probably not even doing this for me, maybe he just wanted to beat those guys up but didn't want people to think he beat me up.

"I don't know really I just got really pissed off when I saw that they were hurting someone that couldn't even defend themselves," Connor said as he handed me the bag of ice. "For your stomach." He moved to the sink and filled a glass with water before adding salt. "Swish and spit." 

"O-Okay." I set the bag of ice down and took a sip of the salt water swishing it around in my mouth. I spit and repeated the action three more times then grabbed the ice and held it to my stomach. 

* * *

I took the glass back from Evan and rinsed it out then sat it upside down on the counter to dry. 

"Evan, do you maybe wanna go sit down in the living room and watch a movie?" I asked immediately regretting it when I saw Evan's expression. It was a mix of uncertainty, confusion, and definitely a no. "You know what it was a stupid question nevermi-" 

"N-No no it's f-f-fine! I-I- uh s-sure let's do t-that." Evan spoke frantically waving his unoccupied hand in the air and his face was a light shade of red. That's kinda cute. 

"Okay well is there anything you want to watch?" I asked as I led him to the living room. 

"Um, you can decide." Evan's voice was so low I almost didn't hear him. 

"Okay got it," I replied. I walked over to the drawer of movies and grabbed  _The Hitchhickers Guide to The Galaxy._ I placed it in the DVD player sat down next to Evan. "This is my favorite movie." Why did I say that? God, I hate myself. I sunk into the couch and watched as the intro to the movie began. 

"This- This is THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY! I LOVE THIS MOVIE!" Evan yelled bouncing up and down on the couch in excitement. I couldn't help the laughter than left my mouth. 

"Evan you're so cute oh my god calm down before you hurt yourself!" I laughed. 

"What- what did you say?" Evan asked as he calmed down. 

"What do you- Oh OH OH MY GOD I-I-I UM." Why did I say that?! Why did I say that out loud?! 

"Connor! Zoe? Are you two home?" Shit, that's my mom. 

"It's just me and..." wait what do I say me and Evan? Me and a friend? 

"Connor where- Oh who's this?" My mom walked into the living room. 

"H-Hi I'm uh E-Evan, Evan Hansen." Evan introduced himself. 

"He got hurt so I brought him here to get cleaned up and all," I explained. 

"That's nice well I'm glad to finally meet one of Connor's friends." My mom smiled then looked at her watch. "Connor, you need to go get Zoe soon okay?" 

"I'll leave now," I responded then turned to Evan. "We'll finish the movie another time okay?" Evan nodded and followed me out to the car. "Okay, Evan you have to tell me where to go." 

"Okay," Evan responded and started giving me basic instructions to get to his house. 

"Listen about today..." I started 

"It's okay you don't have to explain. Thank you for everything today." Evan interrupted me. 

"Yeah, It's no problem," I answered. I still feel bad about reading his letter and lying about it. 

"T-That's it." Evan pointed at a medium-sized gray and white house. I pulled into the driveway and unlocked the doors. 

"I'll see you tomorrow." I waved at him as he got out. 

* * *

I waved back at Connor before stepping inside my house I closed the door and ran upstairs to my room. I flopped down on my bed and yelled into my pillow. 

"What the hell just happened?!" I screamed. 

 


End file.
